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      2012年11月最新精彩語錄圖文

      發布時間:2012-11-22 點擊:

      2012年年底的最新精彩笑語,還等什么呢?看下去吧~

      1、為什么數學老師從來不教我這個?

      2、看到一個做小學題的,兒子一年級時有道題,十四個人劃船過河,小船可以載兩人,問幾次可以過完?兒子答13次,老師的答案7次,兒子追著老師問船誰劃回來的……

      3、有個二貨同學,妹子,總愛晚歸,走至胡同內被劫過兩次。一月后同一地點又被同一伙人劫了,妹子崩潰說:哥,是我,是我……

      4、我男朋友一直吹噓他乒乓球打的好,我不信,終于有一次跟他打,打了幾個回合,我覺得也不過如此,對他各種貶,結果他換了一只手……我傻眼了,不帶這么侮辱人的。

      5、一年輕漂亮的麻麻,帶著四歲半的兒子來我們店看內衣,兒子在門口死活不進,說:我是男人哪能陪你一個女人逛內衣店,你快點,我還得上課了!一會遲到我女朋友又得說我了!漂亮麻麻不高興了說:娶了媳婦忘了娘的小東西,我不送你上課了,找你爸爸去!說著就撅著嘴巴走了,兒子在后面追說:唉,女人就是麻煩!尼瑪這誰家的倆活寶!?

      6、老公醉酒,各種吐,兩歲多的兒子拿毛巾給老公擦汗,我是各種感動。走進一看,兒子拿的是洗碗布,再看老公滿臉油腥……

      7、對著廚房水槽拍了張照片。

      8、我爸1米85,標準的東北大漢,年輕的時候一個人能撂倒4個搶劫的?墒窃趧偛,就在剛才,他藏的私房錢被我媽發現了,那一瞬間臉都嚇白了,你們能想象一個1米85的壯漢躲我屋里不敢出去的樣子嗎?!次奧!!我都想把他給扔出去了……

      9、工科男,出校門半個月,上樓的時候一大媽說:師傅,干裝修的嗎?

      10、我是干建筑的,一到下雪就可以休息了。今天趁下雪和朋友打麻將,老總(40多歲女的)打來電話讓我去公司寫資料,我就隨口說我在外地。g潮是過了幾分鐘手機響了,我拿起一看,頓時興奮呀,微信有妹子加我,點開一看微信上顯示:我在公司等你,10分鐘內給我回來。然后,就沒有然后了。

      11、本人男,苦逼小白領一枚,這些天工作量較大天天加班,今天我們女經理跑來關心我,問我想吃什么她在家做了帶給我補補,我當時特困,就直接說了句:“吃的不用,你給我睡一覺就好了!苯Y果她打了我一下說了句討厭就走了……郁悶了好久才反應過來,尼瑪經理我真的就只是困了想好好睡個覺啊……你別想多啊……

      12、小學老師一枚,今天期中考監考,一個小胖子好不容易取回那張尋求答案的紙條,可還是被我抓到。打開一看:這么簡單,自己想。真是想笑憋住了……

      13、大班的一個寶寶(男孩),特可愛,最近天天跟在一個漂亮的女孩后面,有時候搭訕,有時候帶了玩具或者是零食吃,老師問:寶貝,(優語錄網 www.arcadipienza.com)你是在追她嗎?寶寶肯定的點點頭,老師再問:那你是不是喜歡她吖?寶寶指著另一個小男孩說:他喜歡那個女孩紙,但我們是好朋友,所以我幫他追那個女孩紙然后送給他。寶寶,不帶這么送女朋友的……

      14、今天,我麻麻對我大發雷霆。因為她在我房間發現了香煙,但那真不是我的。粑粑回來后對我說:“我在你房間里藏了一條煙,如果你出賣了我,你就別想買新手機了!”我今年21歲,這是我作為一個男子漢學習忍辱負重的第一課。

      15、你方便,我更方便。

      16、青年:“我想要有很多錢!倍U師:“只要你能找到七個球,你的愿望就能會實現!鼻嗄辏骸澳钦f七龍珠嗎?”禪師搖搖頭:“不,是雙色球!

      17、昨晚樓下吵架,懷疑是原配抓到小三,嫌疑人小三嗷嗷著:你丫弄死我啊!有本事讓我不過了!弄死我啊!本來不打算動手的原配不干了:CNM。當場把囂張小三的頭發一拽,來了一技過肩摔,小三當下就暈過去了。原配可是90年代退役摔跤運動員啊,只不過如今瘦了而已。

      18、中午去食堂打飯,問賣湯的帥哥還有番茄蛋湯嗎?他說你等一下。然后他從隔壁賣菜的窗口舀了一勺番茄炒蛋,丟到蘿卜湯的鍋里攪了攪盛了一碗給我……

      19、幾乎所有的愛情都是以“你好”開始,以“你好壞”升華,以“你好棒”進入高潮,以“你好嗎”淡化,以“你還好嗎”結束。

      20、昨晚上和姐姐姐夫一起出去玩,姐姐喝醉了,所以只能姐夫開車送他回家。到了紅綠燈的地方,前面過去一帥哥,姐姐突然坐起來喊道:MD,這么晚了還有帥哥在街上晃!走,把車開過去,讓我去把他糟蹋了!然后全車無語……姐夫的那個臉啊……

       
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